I wanted to put up another one of Whyn Lewis's paintings, as they are so beautiful. Here is the gallery address again www.portal-gallery.com (I don't like to use her paintings without saying where you can buy them, it only seems fair.) This one is called 'Star'.
Thanks to all the bloggers who responded to my plea for help with technical advice concerning the windows media player. All this talk of graphics cards and so on has gone right over my head though, my head is too full of trees, fairies and meadows full of fluffy bunnies to be able to cope with such technical details, I'll pass the info onto my boyfriend and hope he understands. I've missed the Meher Baba documentary anyway now and shall be away at the weekend so won't be able to see the Basement Jam. Ah well you can't have everything.
Finally got some good news today, my partner has an interview, weeeeheeee! So please, anybody out there, send out your positive vibes on Monday afternoon. I'm sure he can get it, he just needs to use that lovely geordie charm.
I was overcome with the need to post at four in the morning last night, had to let the urge pass though as I needed to get some sleep before work. Pity, I've forgotten what it was I wanted to say now and it seemed to have profound significance last night, but then again things often do in the middle of the night. It was something to do with how nature speaks to you, and that all you have to do is listen.
Bye for now!

Christmas is back on again! The nice man in the bank today gave me an overdraught so I shall join the rest of the country and get into debt so I can celebrate Christmas. All my 'I'll never get into debt' principles just flew straight out of the window. The simple fact of the matter is I enjoy buying presents the thought of being this years scrooge was making me miserable and well the rest of the world is doing it, so I've just thrown caution to the wind! No longer carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and feeling quite happy, shall also be able to spend New Year up north where they know how to celebrate, will just have to worry about it next year, which if you look at it like that sounds ages away! Of to watch a scary Japanese film called 'Audition', the Japanese certainly know how to make good horror, 'Ring' and 'The Grudge' (the originals) are terrifying so shall be expecting nightmares tonight.
Just wanted to come back here to say that 'Audition' is a film I won't be recommending to people, unless your a particular fan of torture and shit endings I wouldn't waste the two hours that could be much better spent doing something else.

Just about to go home and the snow began to fall. We missed all the snow last week so this is the first snow of the year for me, it looks beautiful but I'm not looking forward to going out into it, to make matters worse I got a flat tyre on my bike this morning and had to borrow my boyfriends, which is difficult enough as it is to ride as it's too big so I shall not even risk it in the snow, I'll have to walk. Having a bad day today, feeling very delicate and taking everything personally, (even the snow!) my flat tyre caused floods of tears this morning and I still haven't quite recovered, I'm just being stupid I know but thats what it's like being a girl sometimes, there is just no escaping these damned emotions.
Christmas is coming all too fast for my liking and I'm neither emotionally or financially prepared for it. My partner and I are having to spend it apart this year as we both need to spend it with our families, I hate being apart at Christmas it just feels wrong. I'm hopefully going to make it up north for New Year to be with him but even thats looking dubious as our financial situation is so dire. Oh god I'm just moaning again, terribly sorry, I'm going to shut up now, if you haven't got anything good to say don't say anything at all, thats my moto, should stick to it more often!

Been feeling like poo today, it's that marvelous time of the month again when all I'm capable of is curling up in a ball under a fluffy blanket, what a joy it is to be a women! Shouldn't complain though, I feel the ups and downs of the menstrual cycle has a certain balancing effect, I've tried to do without it before by going on the pill and found it has completely fucked me up, it's the only time I ever suffered from depression and soon as I came off it I was fine. I've spoken to other women who has also experienced this too. It's good to be in cycle with the moon. Doesn't do much for my temper though, I can go from being totally calm to a complete door slamming, plate smashing rage within two seconds flat, and then back again, just experiennced one of these little turns and now have to apologise to my boyfriend.... all is well again, the chicken is in the oven and we're all set for a cosy dinner and a good film. 'Pillow Talk' is on tv tonight it's one of my favourite Sunday afternoon films although I have never seen the end, we have been plagued with shit video recorders for years, it's almost became funny but you would get half way through a film and it would fuck up, this happened so many times until we finally got a DVD recorder. We can now actually have a relaxed viewing wwith settled nerves without the fear of missing the end. Talking of films I went to see the new Harry Potter last night and it was fabulous, it is so magical, the sets are brilliantly imaginative and the story goes from being really charming to seriously scary, I would definately recommend it.
Anyway I came here to post up a poem I wrote a little while ago. My life has taken an enlightening turn at the moment and I'm finding it all quite thrilling. With the help of Carl Jung's theories, my blogging experiences including 'The boy who heard music' blog and some of the blogs I have come to through that, I have come to a better understanding of some of the ideas/theories I that have been a running theme through my life for the past ten years. Things have just been coming together. I'll try and write about my experiences, but it's difficult to know where to start, it's all been a long time coming. This is a poem I wrote in the summer, it was inspired by a day I spent at ' Arbour Low' a stone circle in Derbyshire (near Youlgreave) it's a very powerful place. The poem is called 'Air'. I'm working on writing a poem each for 'Earth', 'Fire', and 'Water'. Almost there with Earth just need to sit down and write it, but for now here is 'Air'.

AIR
Breeze sweep through,
Disintintegrate matter,
Course through body,
Spill through being,
Purifying air,
Clarify this gossamer embodiment,
Cleanse this flimsy mortal frame,
Expose, impart, affirm,
my union with the all-pervading,
the all emcompassing Universe.

Just reading yesterdays post oooh what a rant that was, goodness me! I just got back from dinner with my Mum and Dad, it's my Dad's birthday and I went around armed with homemade presents, my Dad is one of the few people who will always be grateful of homemade presents, he only feels guilty if you buy him things. I was quite pleased at my resourcefullnes. My friend and I finally made our rosehip syrup yesterday and it taste great, so he got a bottle of that along with a poem and a homemade card. He seemed really pleased with them. My Mum and Dad have just got there first computer, my brother gave them one he had gotten from work , his had got destroyed by there two year old, who threw a glass of orange juice into it, so he had this one to keep them going until the insurance came through, he's now got a great new mac and so this one was passed on to my Mum. I was thinking about setting my friends child, who loves hammers, free on our computer, as it is so old. I can't even use the blogger on it properly as it's a mac, I have to post pictures and things from the one at work, it's very frustrating. I'm not sure my insurance would cover 'toddler with hammer' damage though, I shall have to check it out. Anyway I was impressed how quickly my Mum has taken to the computer, my Dad kept a safe distance and occasionally barked orders at my Mum. Had to convince them not to turn it off at plug though, which will probably keep my Dad awake all night with worry of fire but I'm sure they'll get used to it. Trying to persuade them to get on the internet but they need to take it one step at a time. I myself was quite terrified of computers for years and every time I tryed to use the internet I would just crash the computer. It's funny how I couldn't do without one now. Oh dear I'm so tired and I mean't to go to bed ages ago, thats the only gripe I do have with computers they seem to suck away time, you seem to enter a whole new time zone and before you know it one-two-three hour have passed. Goodnight blogland!

I cannot believe the government have lengthened licencing hours and are actually claiming it is for the good of the people, as opposed to the good of there back pockets. Yet again like the Iraq war they are taking us all for fools. Longer opening hours will just mean that the fights that took place in the street will now take place in the bars. The whole problem of yob culture needs sorting out from the root, the root being; bad parenting, bad schooling, teenage pregnancies, and the media. When I go into a bar I can tell by the look in peoples eyes that they could quite possibly kick off and it is the same look ( although a little hardened) that I can see in the eyes of children as they are being dragged around town by there parents being screamed at. Our town centre is full of parents exclaiming things like 'come ere you fucking little twat' this they are saying to a four year old child, and you can see the look of hatred, resentment, and hardness in the eyes of these children that they've never known and probably never will know any better, they have never recieved any respect and will most likely never respect anyone else. Then they get to school where they may have a chance at being educated, but with teachers who have classes of 35 children ( this what our class sizes were, not sure what they are today) it is impossible to get the attention they need. And the kids that have never learn't respect never get a chance to learn it here either, they abuse the teachers, disrupt the lessons and become more hardened and bitter with there lot. It is here the govenment could be doing some good putting more money into education, understanding the difficult job of teaching, giving kids hope, but they'd rather spend there money on wars.
You then get teenage pregnancies, bored kids looking for a kick. This brings you back round to bad parenting as the teenagers aren't equipt to bring up children especially the ones that never recieved any love or respect themselves. Twelve, thirteen years down the line the cycle all starts again when these kids have more kids.
Then there is the media who feed the yob culture. The tabloid papers encourage ignorance, blatantly lie, stifle individualism and feed hatred. Television isn't much better these day, especially all the cable channels. It's just opium for the people, keep them happily ignorant so the government can do exactly what they like.
Again the government instead of educating people are just helping them develop more vices, as they did with the new gambling laws, this time though they've discovered a way of doing it that will line their own pockets, stealing from the poor to give to the rich yet again. The breweries have certainly had a hand in all of this. They wouldn't even listen to there own police force when they tried to tell them it was a bad idea, it all boils down to money. It just makes me sick!

On Saturday afternoon my friend and I went out into the countryside to go Rosehip and Sloe berry picking (we're going to make Rosehip syrup and Sloe Gin.) I could have kicked myself though because I forgot to take my camera and the countryside was looking fabulous, in one place, I think it was in a dip, the morning mist just wasn't shifting. It made for some very eerie and atmostpheric views. Anyway when we came home as the sun was setting the mist started rising again in the field at the back of my flat and I managed to get this photo. I love the drama and mystery of a misty field!

I've been having lots of coincidences involving 'synchronicity'. I just came across this page about a book called the "Mind of God':
http://www.themindofgod.net/chapter%209.htm
I'm not quite sure how I even found it, I was trying to get to the forum on one of the pages linked to my blog. Synchroncity is all new to me, but it's certainly ringing some bells.

Well the sun is going down and the geese that frequent our back yard at this time of year have gone down river for the evening. They are such strange creatures, they always leave every night when the sun has just disapeared from sight and return every morning to wake you with the awful aggressive noises they make. During the few winter months we are graced with there presence if you use our back door you get chased away and hissed or honked at and you also have to be careful not to tread in copious amounts of goose shat they have deposited all over the path . It's still nice to have them around though, they are very funny things.
I am up and down like a brides nightie at the moment, today I am feeling sad, peak and troughs, thats always how it goes but the last few weeks they have been quite extreme. Being the eternal optimist though at least I know that tommorow will be brighter as today I've hit the bottom. This morning I decided to stop writing this blog all together, having strangers reading my thoughts seemed altogether too scary. I'm quite an introverted person and I don't express much of what I've been expressing here to the people around me, but I guess I thought better of it, I enjoy the outlet and I think it's good therapy. Last night I ran out of a pub full of people I know in tears, today I feel a complete twat, I knew I shouldn't have gone out, I was in no mood for it but I thought I was doing someone a favour, when I discovered my bike had a puncture I should have read the signs and not just pumped it up and carried on out. Anyway drinking is the worst thing to do in the mood I was in and the whole night was doomed from the word go and today my original sadness is just made worst by a hangover and feeling a fool. Will I ever learn?
On a brighter note, oh sorry I don't have one, ah well, sorry to be depressing, maybe tommorow will bring great new opportunities and we will get out of this fucking rut we're in! There is always hope.
PS This was my 50th post!

Sorry to be such a tree hugger, but I just can't help it. I wrote this poem today, it's about something that happened to me on the way to work, I was just going to write about it but it turned into a poem.

On this very morning, as I cycle to work,
frosty earth sparkles in the morning sun,
and all the leaves are falling from the trees,
as the perpetual wheel makes it's wintery turn.

I stop by my oak tree and watch in awe,
as elegant little leaves dance to the floor,
and blessed I feel to be in this place,
to witness this earthly divine grace,
such a wondrous sight, that it makes me feel,
drunk with the love only nature reveals,
and though this time is snatched and I must depart
the moment will stay with me, deep in my heart.

Brrrrrrr..... Jack Frost has finally put in an appearence, a sure sign that winter will soon be apon us. The mornings are beautiful at the moment everything is covered in a crisp frost and sparkles in the hazy sunshine. Getting into work is proving more trying though, as first I have to wake up while it is still dark, then get out of a warm bed and into a cold flat, then getting myself to leave the flat and go out into the freezing morning air is a further hurdle, once I get used to the cold, I then start appreciating the beautiful morning which slows my journey down further as I decide to get off my bike and walk so I can take in as much as I can before I'm trapped indoors again until hometime, by which time it is dark. Not got into any truble for my lateness as yet just means I have to stay later, feel guilty though. Oh well, such is life! The Who are on tele tonight, on the Rock'n' Roll Hall of fame, will probably have to sit through lots a crap to get to see them though, have heard rumours Alanis Morrisette does a Dylan number, sounds horrendous to me! Better go, looking forward to making Chicken Soup, a recipe I just invented, I'll post it up if it's any good.

Goodness I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted, that has gone so fast! It was my boyfriends birthday at at the weekend and we had a party at our friends house in the country. I spent half the week preparing for it in one way or another but it was worth every second and every penny. By Monday I was completely skint, with 2 weeks till payday, but it didn't bother me at all, in fact it just made me laugh, I've spent so much time stressing about running out of money but when it happened I found it funny! It was mainly due to the fantastic time I'd had with my friends at the weekend, I've have some marvelous pals and when we all get together for a party we have so much fun. There is so much energy and love in the room! That sounds really corny I know but it's true. Well anyway what I'm trying to say is money don't mean shit, I have none and I'm the richest person in the world! It's like the secret of Alchemy, I've always thought, if you have the elixir of life and the philosophers stone why the hell would you want to turn them into gold?

There are two really good radio shows on the internet at the moment. One on Vashti Bunyan, she is interviewed and plays some tracks from her new album as well as old and influencial stuff, it was on on Sunday on Stuart Marconies Freak Zone on Radio 6 but will be up for a week, it starts about an hour into the show. Have also found (well Shoey did) a radio programme from 2004 featuring Espers, they are playing live and chatting as well as picking records. It's really interesting, I saw them play earlier this year and they were brilliant, it was a pity they couldn't play for longer but they were squeezed on to a bill at a festival. They have been added to my dream festival list, which is kind of like fantasy football, but you get to choose the line up. Mine would be held in a small clearing in a forest ( I say small cause ideally there wouldn't be masses of people) and the line up would have to be Circulus, Vashti Bunyan, Espers and Yo La Tengo with The Who headlining. I'm sure I can think of lots of other bands to add to this, Low would have to be in there somewhere too. Sorry I'm off dreaming again, anyway here are the email addresses for the shows; I'm determined to convert everyone in blogland into Vashti fan's so do have a listen!

VASHTI BUNYAN: http://www.bbc.co.uk/6music/shows/freakzone/
ESPERS: http://www.wnyc.org/shows/spinning/episodes/05282004

I've been distracted by Bill Oddie, not in person obviously, he's such a lovely man! He's talking about the wonders of Autumn on the TV. Which has reminded me of the rant I have been threatening write about digital TV. Well, a couple of weeks ago we were cycling back from our friends house at 9o'clock in the morning, after an evening out which got a little carried away and we bumped into my uncle who had just got up and was having a clear out . He gave us a freeview box that he no longer needed, now I had been holding out for the free one they'll have to give people when they turn off the analogue signal, but we were very grateful nevertheless. So we went home and excitedly set it all up. Since it has been installed I've barely watched television. (which I do think is a good thing.) In fact it has completely turned me against T.V. because it is so apalling. There are occassionally some good programmes on the BBC channels, but the rest of them, the channels with adverts that play every ten minutes, the channels that sell ridiculously pointless things to ridiculously impressionable people, and the worst of all the channels that allow you to gamble online, disguised as your own virtual quizshow, they are so bad. The thing that really gets me when I see this stuff is that people actually watch it, and quite alot of people too otherwise there wouldn't be so many channels of it, what a pitiful state to live in, how can people be so brain dead? It's so sad and it makes you realise what this country is truely like. Anyway there is no escaping these channels as it's so easy to channel flick and you just seem to spend hours trailing through crap. So I've found the best solution is not turn it on at all or only watch DVDs, it's good to be picky, there's no need to put up with all the drivel after all! That was only a small part of my anti-T.V rant, I may do 'Advertising aimed at children,' and that one really boils my piss, but at a later date, as I'm getting tired. So bye for now!

The words of Arthur Seaton, Alan Stillitoe's 'Saturday Night Sunday Morning' character have been going round my head today, 'Don't let the bastards grind you down.' Working nine to five Monday-Friday is getting me down. The weekend goes soooo fast, I have no time to do anything I want to, yesterday I accidently slept in till 2.30 and it was practically dark by the time I got up, extremely frustrating as it scuppered all my plans. I just don't think it's right that we have to spend so much time at work, a majority of my waking time is spent doing things that I don't want to be doing, it just seems such a waste of life! I think I'm just feeling the pressure at the moment, I'm usually quite good at doing what has to be done without letting it get to me too much but I am the sole breadwinner at the moment. My partner was made redundant and although he was given a job about 2 months ago is still waiting to start it, he's being messed about so much that he's begining to give up hope too and I fear we will be back at stage one if it isn't sorted soon. So the fact that I have no choice but to stick with this job is making me desperately want not to, I've a terrible deep stubborn streak running through me that often causes conflicts like this. Also it seems pointless working so much when all I'm managing to do is survive, all my money goes on food and bills, I don't think I've ever been this skint even when I was on the dole for a bit, I can't even afford to have a night out dancing, and that is a terrible state of affairs in my book! This country is shit for the amount of hours we are forced to work just to survive, I'm sure our standard of living hasn't really improved at all over the years, at least more value used to be placed apon spending time with loved ones which is far more important than having the lastest digital television or stupid bloody car. But don't start me off about digital television, thats a whole new topic I now have to moan about, may well come back to that one later. Oh I feel a little better after having a little winge anyway, it's good to get it out!

I made wonderful discovery today, I'm a little surprised I haven't found them before but I think sometimes these things come to you just at the right time, at a time when you're in a place to understand and appreciate them fully. It all began with discovering the picture below, I'm a big fan of Peter Blake and I love his Pop art work ,so I was browsing Peter Blake images on Google. I have never seen this painting before and it really struck me, as it's so beautiful, so following the link to the Tate website I discovered Blake painted it during his time with the ' Brotherhood of Ruralists.' This is what the Tate site had to say about them.

Group of British artists founded in 1975 around Pop artist Peter Blake, after his move from London to the countryside near Bath. The full name was The Brotherhood of Ruralists and this, combined with the original number of seven members, gives a conscious echo of the nineteenth-century Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood, which the Ruralists deeply admired. The members of the group were, in addition to Blake, Ann Arnold, Graham Arnold, Jann Haworth (Blake's then wife), David Inshaw, Annie Ovenden and Graham Ovenden. The ruralists aimed to revive and update the vein of imaginative painting of romantic figure subjects in idyllic rural settings, in a style of high precision realism, found in the early work of the Pre-Raphaelites. The painting Ophelia by John Everett Millais was a talismanic example. They also looked to the earlier visionary landscapes of Samuel Palmer and the Ancients. The children's book Alice In Wonderland and its illustrations by John Tenniel and Arthur Rackham were another source of inspiration. Blake, Hayworth and Inshaw left the group in the early 1980s but it continues with the Arnolds and Ovendens. '

Now as I said before I'm surprised I haven't discovered them before, I spent two years on a art course but we never got past Cubism as the history of art teacher had an obsession with it, there is only so much Braque and Picasso you can take. In fact college thoroughly dampened my enthuiasm for all art, making it and appreciating it. I suppose I should have used my own intiative more but it wasn't so easy in the days before the internet and the college library was dire (also having been to an all girls school I was some what distracted by the presence of boys at college!) Anyway I'm straying off the point again, I'm extremely excited to discover this group of artists, there doesn't appear to be a great deal about them on the internet except a site here; http//:ruralists.com/ and a few links from this site. If you go to; http://ruralists.com/artists/annieovenden/aoprofile.html there are some lovely paintings by Annie Overden
with accompanying poems about trees. And there is also a link to a blog, rosemarylane.blogspot which is a fantastic blog about rural life on the Isle of Wight. The internet is a wonderful thing sometimes!!!!!!

Girl in a poppy field by Peter Blake

Just got back from the Circulus gig, what a marvelous thing it is to have a 21st century medieval psychedelic folk band playing at your local venue. I grinned from ear to ear all the way through. Got a limited edition green vinyl signed by all the band and me pal and I talked to the flute/pipe/recorder player about playing the recorder. He told us that a good tune to learn is 'Music is a Bird' by Linde, never heard of it but like the sound of it, it shall have to be learnt. I will be posting some pictures of the gig tommorow so you can see their fantastically folky outfits. Progress is being made on my allotment plans already, cemented by my Halloween dreams, I found a course today which I shall partake in that teaches you how to grow organically, it's all coming togther nicely and seems to be all meant to be! Night Night!

The air is still filled with the mystery and magic of Samhain today, so I thought I'd post this. Tam lin is a beautiful old Scotish ballad, that I feel conjures up the spirit of Halloween perfectly, this is Fairport Conventions' version, there are many other versions of the story and you can find them all at www.tam-lin.org but this is the one I know and love.

Tam Lin

I forbid you maidens all
that wear gold in your hair
To travel to Carterhaugh
for young Tam Lin is there
None that go by Carterhaugh
but they leave him a pledge
Either their mantles of green
or else their maidenheads.

Janet tied her kirtle green
a bit above her knee
And she's gone to Carterhaugh
as fast as go can she.
She'd not pulled a double rose,
a rose but only two
When up then came young Tam Lin
says "Lady pull no more"

"And why come you to Carterhaugh
without command from me?"
"I'll come and go" young Janet said
"And ask no leave of thee".
Janet tied her kirtle green
a bit above her knee
And she's gone to her father
as fast as go can she.

Well up then spoke her father clear
and he spoke meek and mild
"Oh and alas Janet" he said
"I think you go with child."
"Well if that be so" Janet said
"Myself shall bear the blame
There's not a knight in all your hall
shall get the baby's name.

For if my love were an earthly knight
as he is an elfin grey
I'd not change my own true love
for any knight you have."
So Janet tied her kirtle green
a bit above her knee
And she's gone to Carterhaugh
as fast as go can she.

"Oh tell to me Tam Lin" she said
"Why came you here to dwell?"
"The Queen of Fairies caught me
when from my horse I fell
And at the end of seven yearss
he pays a tithe to hell
I so fair and full of flesh
and fear'ed be myself

But tonight is Halloween
and the fairy folk ride,
Those that would their true love win
at mile's cross they must hide.
First let pass the horses black
and then let pass the brown
Quickly run to the white steed
and pull the rider down,

For I'll ride on the white steed,
the nearest to the town
For I was an earthly knight,
they give me that renown.
Oh they will turn me in your arms
to a newt or a snake
But hold me tight and fear not,
I am your baby's father.

And they will turn me in your arms
into a lion bold
But hold me tight and fear not
and you will love your child,
And they will turn me in your arms
into a naked knight
But cloak me in your mantle
and keep me out of sight".

In the middle of the night
she heard the bridle ring
She heeded what he did say
and young Tam Lin did win.
Then up spoke the Fairy Queen,
an angry Queen was she
"Woe betide her ill-farred face,
an ill death may she die

Had I known Tam Lin" she said
"This night I did see
I'd have looked him in the eyes
and turned him to a tree."